A Writers Mind to Jedi Knights, Wizards, Cookies, and Craziness
by TheAmazingAuthoress
Summary: When Joanfenny Kenobi slips into a coma, she flies through the worlds of Marvel, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Hunger Games, but most especially... STAR WARS! The reason why we think about and love fandoms so much is because they all exist in our imagination, and now Joan's in the splat center of hers! But because of her brain injury, Joan's gone a little... authoress crazy.
1. Chapter 1

_THE WRITERS BLOCK._

 **The audience watches as a teenage girl enters the cantina's stage. On her belt are a silver lightsaber (that sometimes doesn't work), a small bag of catnip, and a glowing purple wand. Tapping the microphone, she said one thing.**

" **I like trains."**

 **Immedicably the crowd flees, believing that a train is going to scream right through the bar. Once the place is deserted, the girl says to herself, "Now I can talk to the real audience."**

 **The teen faces the camera and gives a snarky grin. "Hello, viewer."**

" **My name's Joanfenny Kenobi, and I'm a Star Wars fan, just like you. I mean, you're on a fanfiction website in the Star Wars section. Anyway, I am a Fanfiction Authoress. Am I a professional? No. Am I famous? No. Do I love what I do and put my heart and soul into it? Yes. Yes I do.**

 **What you are about to see here is a little ditty I like to call** _ **A Writers Mind.**_ **More specifically** _ **A Writers Mind to Jedi Knights, Wizards, Cookies, and Craziness.**_ **It's a story of what it's like to have an untamable imagination and a love for fandom. Because let's face it…**

 **Fandom, it's all inside our head.**

 **So if you want to** _ **really**_ **interact with a character, you gotta dig deep in your own mind.**

 **And that's what** _ **this**_ **writer does.**

 **You'll see the classics: Luke Skywalker, Gandalf, Reepicheep, Darth Vader, Batman, Odysseus.**

 **You'll see the new guys: Rey, Katniss Everdeen, Kylo Ren, Hera Syndulla, BB8**

 **And you'll see my guys: Orio, Sophie, Ge-Ge, Mary, Noah.**

 **My intensions for this story are three things: 1) It'll make you laugh so hard you'll wet yourself. 2) Inspire you be creative. and 3) Motivate you to fight your flaws, 'cause we all have them.**

 **So without further ado, may I present—"**

 **The Authoress' speech is interrupted by a loud shatter of glass, suddenly Kylo Ren runs across the cantina while being chased by an army of lobsters. Once the place clears, Joanfenny continues.**

"— _ **A Writers Mind to Jedi Knights, Wizards, Cookies, and Craziness!"**_

 **Luke Skywalker: Wow, that was a long intro.**

 **Joanfenny: This is practically my summer project. By the way, what's with Kylo?**

 **Katniss Everdeen: The lobsters are extracting their revenge.**

 **Orio the cat: Okay…**

 **Joanfenny: Who wants to say the disclaimer?!**

 **Obi-wan Kenobi: Why do we need a disclaimer?**

 **Joanfenny: Fanfiction rules. You always have to say a disclaimer or the real owners of the fandom will sue your pants off.**

 **Luke Skywalker: How 'bout we all say it?**

 **Luke: Joanfenny does not own Star Wars…**

 **Orio: Or Marvel…**

 **Obi-wan: Or anything else in this story except Orio.**

 **Joanfenny: I also own a car!**

In the dark heart of Coruscant, miles away from any allies, Luke Skywalker, Rey the scavenger, a black-and-white kitten named Orio, and a young, insane authoress ran through the halls of the Imperial Palace. Their lunged burned and hearts raced as Emperor Palpatine's royal guards were nipping at their heels with their powerful spears. The heroes had lost contact with the others, and the Authoress' wand was losing power. Hope was slipping through their fingers like sand. They all knew that if the Authoress was captured, it will be the end for all the heroes in general. For she, and she alone, held the ultimate power that could either save everyone, or grant the villains eternal victory.

"Ok, that's it!" The Authoress screamed, halting in her tracks. With a wave of her wand, the heroes were suddenly teleported to a large, strange room. Two of the walls were bookshelves that scaled from ceiling to carpet, and the other two were unpolished stone with small diamonds incased in it. The ceiling itself was glowing a pale blue, and the carpet was magenta. On the far end of the room was a large bed covered in art utensils, notebooks, sketchpads, and various candies. On the other end were double doors, with potted cactuses on each side of the exit. The characters didn't know this, although the Authoress did, there were two Griffins guarding the doors outside. Their job: farting at intruders. And believe me, you don't want to smell Griffin farts.

Before any of the characters could opened her mouth, the Authoress screamed, "Scéalaí, stop giving the story such a serious setting."

 _Why?_ I snapped. _It hooks the reader's attention. And it was only one paragraph._

"Yeah, but I'm not serious, I'm insane, remember?"

 _How can I forget? I'm a voice inside your head; I'm stuck with you for eternity._

"You should be grateful I let you narrate my adventures, instead of simply floating inside my head, having no purpose in life."

Sheesh, I give the first paragraph to this story and already I have a critic. Hope you reviewers are a little more merciful.

"A- _hem_." Luke Skywalker cleared his thought.

The Authoress turned her gaze at the Jedi Master. "Oh, sorry Luke."

"Where are we?" Luke snapped.

"Oh," the girl waved her hands dramatically, "Jedi Master, and cat, and scavenger, welcome to my think tank!"

"Why are we here?" Rey queried. You know, it's time Lucasfilm gave her a last name. Some people say she's a Kenobi, while others-

"Shut up, Stephanie." The girl hissed, staring into oblivion.

 _Why, ugh, why do you always call me that, it's—_

"Shush, Narrator. Anyway, we are here because… I've hit writers block."

The heroes gasped. "No," Orio wailed, "Not writers block!"

The Authoress sighed dramatically. "Yes, in our current mission, completely surrounded by villains with no way of escape, I have no idea how we can get the heroes to safety."

"But you just abandoned them." Luke stated. A moment later he noticed a large bag of Swedish Fish on Joan's bed, so the young Jedi slowly inched towards it.

Meanwhile, the girl said. "No worries, we could spend a year here and when we get back, it would be the same time we left."

"But how shall we rescue them, and escape ourselves?" Rey queried. "If we're captured, Palpatine might through us in a cell with Jar Jar."

"Well, I just said, I've hit writers—Luke!" The girl slapped the Jedi's outstretched hand. "No touch me Swedish Fish!"

Luke whimpered as he rubbed his hand.

"How about we teleport everyone back to Planet Truce?" Orio suggested.

The girl shook her head. "I barely have enough wand power to teleport the four of us here."

Rey was examining the huge bookshelf as she said, "You've read the Odyssey?" You see, on the bookshelf was every book the Authoress had ever read. She's also read Dante's Inferno.

"Yeah. It's a good book, once you get past all the boring stuff."

"Doesn't Odysseus murder all of his wives suiters?"

Everyone was silent for a moment before Luke stated. "That… has absolutely nothing to do with the current situation."

A lightbulb suddenly appeared over the Authoress' head. "Wait, that's it! Rey you're a genius!"

"I am?"

"She is?"

The girl smiled as if Christmas had some early. "Wow, the classics _do_ give great ideas."

Luke gave a nervous expression. "Are we going to murder some suiters?"

"They're dead." The royal guard said. He, as well several other villains, were in Palpatine's office (you know, the one where Mace was thrown out the window). Before them were four bodies. A Jedi, a scavenger, a cat, and an Authoress. The girl's tongue was sticking out, and her face was twisted an odd expression. The cat was lying in a dead-beetle position.

The Great Emperor Palpatine (Or as the Authoress and I like to call him, Emperor Poopatine) sat in his desk staring at the corpses. "How is this possible?"

"We are not sure. We found them this way in one of the halls. The cat muttered something about ice cream and Neil Armstrong before he too died."

"How… unfortunate." Palpatine sneered. His Apprentice, Darth Vader stood motionless, his masked fixed upon his son.

"Lord Vader, this sudden lose does not affect you, does it?" The Emperor hissed.

Vader was silent for a moment. "No… my master."

 _Liar._ The Authoress thought. _Man, my tongue's getting dry._

Suddenly the cat coughed.

"Wait a minute." Palpatine snapped as he stood up. "The feline still lives."

Thinking quickly, the cat rose up and gave out a hideous snarl.

"It's a zombie!" Palpatine screamed, his cool, collective self forgotten. "Run for you lives!" Every villain except Vader fled from the room in terror. Vader, in an almost bored tone, said, "You all can stop playing dead now."

Luke sat up. "How did you know?"

"I am one of the few sane villains." Vader reminded his son.

"Yeah, that's 'cause his awesomeness counter attacks my insanity vibes I give out." The Authoress said casually. She jumped into Palpatines spinney chair and pulled up the Emperor's laptop (yes, they have laptops in Star Wars). "So, Mister Tall, Dark, and Genocidal, where are the Rebels?"

"Why should I be concerned about them?" Vader hissed, crossing his arms in an awesome way. Yes, Vader his so cool he makes arm-crossing look awesome.

The girl pulled out her wand and narrowed her eyes at the Sith. "Because I'll turn you into a chicken wearing a pocka-dot sweater if you don't help."

Using the Force, Vader ripped the wand from her grasp. "You were saying?"

The girl smiled. Suddenly a purple laser shot from the edge of the wand, hitting Vader and turning him into a chicken wearing a pocka-dot sweater. "I don't need to hold the wand in order to use it." The girl snickered.

A moment later Vader turned back to normal. After he collected himself, he said, "Very well, here's what you must do."

About an hour later the Authoress' ship _Fireproof_ flew out of Coruscant's atmosphere and into hyperspace. Aboard the ship was the four heroes, as well as the _Ghost_ crew.

"Thank you for rescuing us, Master Skywalker." Kanan Jarrus said. Unfortunately he was blind, so he was staring at a wall as he spoke.

"I'm over here." Luke said as he turned the Jedi Knight around. "And you're welcome, but it was actually the Authoress who saved all of us."

"The Authoress?" Kanan sounded surprised. "How?"

Luke looked over to the teenager, who was currently showing Sabine Wren and Ezra Bridger the power of M&Ms.

"It's a long story, let's just saw we had a little help."

"Ack! I swallowed the M&M the wrong way." Ezra wheezed, clutching his throat.

"You're supposed to _chew_ them, genius." The Authoress snapped.

Suddenly Orio, wearing an 80s-style outfit, flew out of one of the closets. Music began playing in the air. _"Cause this is THILLER! Thriller night!"_

Everyone stared the dancing feline. "Do I want to know?" Hera Syndulla queried.

The young Authoress gave the Twi'lek a look, "Yo, General, have some respect for the 80's."

 **Ahsoka Tano: So… this is your first chapter?**

 **Joanfenny: Yup!**

 **Ahsoka: doesn't the story officially begin when—**

 **Joanfenny: Don't give it away!**

 **Orio: I'm so exciiiiiited! This story's gonna be epic!**

 **Joanfenny: Yeah, and the more reviews I get, the faster the story will come along.**

 **Luke, facing the reader, waves his hand: You** _ **will**_ **review, favorite, follow, and subscribe this story.**

 **Leia: Subscribing is YouTube, Luke.**

 **Sabine Wren: Wait, is Palpatine the main villain in this story?**

 **Joanfenny: Nope.**

 **Ezra Bridger: Then who is?**

 **Joanfenny: You'll see… Oh, and by the way, if you want some Easter eggs on what's going to happen in this tale, check out my other story:** _ **Fanfiction Authoress**_ **.**

 **Luke: Isn't that when you attack Vader with a—**

 **Joanfenny: Don't give it away!**


	2. THE CARAMELIZED EVIL

A Writers Mind Chapter 2

 **Authoress's note: So… I noticed that I only got one review. That's kinda sad. But thank you Datperson for reviewing. I'm glad you want to see more.**

 **Luke: So… what happens next?**

 **Orio: The Caped Avenger will go out and fight evil!**

 **Joanfenny: Nice try, putty-cat.**

 **Rey: How about I tar and feather Kylo?**

 **Obi-wan: Or do a clone wars episode.**

 **Luke: Or you could—**

 **Joanfenny: WHO'S STORY IS THIS?**

 **Everyone shuts up.**

 **Joanfenny: Thank you. Anyway, I don't own anything except Orio and any other OCs.**

 **Orio: Has anyone seen my stash of Catnip?**

In this unorganized and crazy universe, there is one place where War is forbidden, and that's Planet Truce. It's an Earth-like planet that's used for peace-treaties, vacations, or when a hero and villain wants to play golf. Several heroes and villains had vacation homes there, including Luke and Vader. It's not uncommon to see the Skywalker duo doing a sport of some sort together. Last week they went swimming, which was terrible cause Vader only sinks and Luke didn't know how to swim (he's from Tatooine, duh). It was embarrassing to have Obi-wan come over and help pull Vader out.

But anyway, right now Joanfenny Kenobi, the Authoress of this story, was sitting in a floating seat in the large Coruscant-like Senate room. With her were Luke and Rey, who looked equally as bored. While the real Senate building in Star Wars only had senators, this one had characters from a large variety of Fandoms. All the heroes were on one side, while the villains were on the other. This helped prevent them from killing each other, although fights happen almost every meeting.

"Is that your mom?" Rey asked, pointing to the current speaker. Luke looked up from his _Jedi Today_ magazine. "Yup." He said, "But I didn't inherit a single political bone from her."

"We have enough problems as it is with Blaze, why should we continue—" Padme's speech was cut short by a black and white cat jumping onto her floaty-chair. "I like bananas!" Orio shouted before he hopped to another floaty. "Augh! Get it away from me!" Voldemort screeched.

"I can see why you picked Luke and I as your watchers." Rey noted to Joan.

"Why?" Joan asked.

"Because if you picked Padme you would be stuck here forever."

Joan smiled as she bit into her sweetish fish. "Yeah, I'd much rather be rescuing the Ghost crew from Palpatine than listen to these losers rant."

"Even though you got writers block on your first mission." Rey reminded.

Joan rolled her eyes. "I'm bored." Standing up, she approached her microphone on the hover-seat-thingy. Then she pulled out a hammer and banged on the mic with all her might. The senate chamber went dead-silent, except for Maul, who was whining about his bleeding ears.

"This sucks." Joan said. "Here I am, the Authoress, your supposed savoir, and I don't even know what I need to save you dweebs from. So how 'bout you stop screaming at each other and throwing food… Kylo, don't you even think about throwing that tomato… and explain to me what exactly is going on, where I am, and why you need me." Suddenly a tomato was thrown at Joan, but it missed be about 12 feet. It ended up hitting Duchess Satine.

Yoda looked at the young Authoress from his seat. "Explained everything to you, Skywalker should have."

Luke stood up. "She had just gotten here," He protested. "I had to go on a mission moments before I was assigned, so I had no choice but to take her with me."

"Your cat is a zombie!" Palpatine screamed from his seat.

Everyone in the chamber stared at him for several long minutes. It was so quiet you could hear a flea fart.

Padme cleared her throat. "Well, Authoress, uh, Joanfenny, is it?"

"In the flesh, actually, not really, since I'm just in my head."

"What?" Ultron questioned.

"I'm in my head, somehow. At first I thought I was just dreaming, but I've been in here _way_ longer than usual, so I think I'm in a coma or something. So I'm in my mind reality, apparently."

"That explains a lot." Wonder Woman piped in.

"Anyway, the reason why you're here is because a terrible evil has plagued this world." Padme explained.

"Is it Bieber fever?" Luke guessed.

Joan wacked him with her Swedish Fish bag.

Padme gave her son an odd look. "Uh, no. If that were the case, we'd be hearing "Boyfriend" right now."

Everyone shuttered. Sabine Wren was so disgusted that she leaned over her booth and puked. The green-grey waterfall landed on The Grand Inquisitor, who responded by throwing his spiny saber at the Ghost Crew's hover seat. The saber hit the seat spot-on, and hovercraft crashed into Leia's seat. Leia flew out of her seat and landed in Palpatine's. The Emperor tried to electrocute her, but Vader stepped in and punched him right in the face (way to go, Darthy!) Chopper, upset by his near-death experience, flew over to the Grand Inquisitor and started beating him with a spare droid leg. The other inquisitors started to attack Chopper, so the other droids I the room flew in to help him. The Joker decided it would be a good idea to throw a cow over his booth (and don't ask me where he got it or where he was keeping it). The cow landed on Kylo Ren, who then did his infamous lightsaber tantrums. Sadly, the cow was killed, but that meant the First Order was going to have burgers tonight.

"Let's take five!" Padme shouted, ending the chaos. The heroes and villains agreed, except the Joker, who was still throwing farm animals off his booth.

"I think it went rather well." Luke stated as the trio headed to a hotdog stand.

"Trio? A-hem." Orio hissed at me.

Sigh… the four characters headed to the hotdog stand.

"Rather well? Are the meetings normally this bad?" Rey asked. Since she was a new character, she didn't have as much experience in, well, anything as Luke Skywalker.

"Last meeting, Deadpool mooned my mom." Luke retorted.

As Joan laughed her lungs out, Rey asked, "And… how did your father react to that?"

Luke fought back a grin. "Do you really want to know?"

Rey shrugged. "Fair point."

Luke and Rey met up with the other Skywalkers in the mess hall. It was interesting to see the legends and canon characters in the same place. At the moment, Jacen and Kylo were having a brawl.

"You're just jealous that you weren't in a movie." Kylo hissed at his other-dimension brother.

"Jealous? I was an Emperor, leader, and a _real_ Sith warrior. Unlike you, puny _knight of Ren._ "

"Puny? I'm as tall as grandfather? I'll show you who's puny!" And with that Kylo whipped out his tri-saber of death. Leia, who was watching the chaos, yelled "Boys!"

Approaching the two insane darksiders, Leia said in a sweet voice. "My darling boys, my little treasures, what had mama said about fighting?"

"He called me puny!" Kylo whined.

"Kylo was mocking me!"

At that moment Leia grabbed both boy's by the hair. It was amusing to see the short mother overpower her Goliath-sized sons. "Fighting makes mama _VERY UNHAPPY_! Do we understand mama?"

"Yes ma'am." The darksiders stated.

Joan snickered as she glugged her Root Beer float. Then, out of the corner of her eye she noticed Palpatine sneak off with some of his royal guards.

 _What's he up to?_ The amateur authoress thought. Careful not to be noticed, Joanfenny followed the evil doers. It was a miracle no one saw her, cause her stealth mode is no different from Po's in _Kung Fu Panda 2_. Like a scene from a detective's movie, the young one followed the sith outside. In a dark and littered alleyway, the Emperor met with a short, black-hooded figure. Joan wasn't close enough to hear what they were saying, but she could see that not only were the figure's bare arms _very_ tan, it also seemed to be caramelized.

 _Interesting…_

Suddenly Orio's head peeked out from Joan's jacket. Bits of catnip leaves were on his face. "Dude… I smell rainbows…"

"What was that?" One the guards hissed.

"Oh crud." Joan bolted for the building, but one of the guards spotted her.

"Get her!"

Joan heard blaster fire behind her, and felt a jolt of electricity before she blacked out. Fortunately, Orio wiggled out of her jacket. The feline stumbled back into the building as his owner was carried off. Unfortunatly, since he was drugged, it took him three wrong turns and a run-in with a singing chocolate bar before he eventually he made it back to the mess hall, where Yoda and Ultron were arm wrestling.

"Beat you again, I have." The Jedi Master declared as he pounded the robot's fist into the table.

Luke was the first to notice the drugged cat. "Where's Joan?"

"Wrinkles took her… I see colors…"

"She aged?" Rey guessed.

Luke stared at the cat for several long seconds, before his eyes widened in horror. "Oh f—"

"Language!" Captain America yelled from across the room.

 **Will the heroes and villains finally meet a peaceful understanding in this time of crisis? Will the crisis ever be explained to our readers? Will Luke ever find Joanfenny? Will Orio break his addiction to catnip? Will we ever find out who the tanned stranger is? Find out next time on** _ **A Writers Mind.**_

 **Luke: And remember to review, favorite, follow, and subscribe.**

 **Everyone else: THAT'S YOUTUBE!**

 **Joanfenny: And ten points go to whoever can figure out the** _ **Tarzan 2**_ **reference.**


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